The McClanahan Clan: My very heart goes to school . . .

I have read the above quote several times. It always struck a chord with me and I felt like it spoke to me. I have always felt that my children were a part of me completely. Today, it took on a whole new meaning.

Today I had to send my sweet little boy to school and it felt like I was sending part of my heart away. I have been trying to prepare myself for this day. I knew it was coming but I have been in denial that my sweet little boy wasn't ready for school. I kept telling myself that he wasn't old enough and that it wasn't his time. Wasn't he just placed into my arms yesterday, where did the years go? I finally realized that he needs this and so do I in many ways. He was showing me that he was ready and I had to get ready too. I searched for a great school and I finally found one that I loved. I waited another week to convince myself I should do it and I finally got the nerve and registered him. We read books about going to school and talked about it how he would handle the transition. All the while I was wondering where my instruction manual was to get me through these changes. Everything we were doing was preparing him and I felt so unprepared. I feel like I know Dallas so much better than any other person and I was scared to send him to the unknown. Would his teachers understand his shy personality, would they force him to do things he wasn't ready to do, would he feel like I left him alone, would he be comforted if he was hurt? The questions just went on and on.

With my questions unanswered, his big day finally came. He was ready and excited. I was nervous and scared. Daddy was able to get off work so we could take him together. I packed his bag and off we went. When we got to school I signed him in and I was able to take him back to circle time where the children were singing songs. He went into the room very cautiously and I told him to sit on the carpet with the other children. I sat behind him and watched him take everything in. I was trying to see everything in his eyes. He didn't look scared. He was just taking it all in. I sat with him for a few minutes and I could feel myself start to tear up. I didn't want him to see me cry because I didn't want to pass my emotion on to him and have him get upset. I told him that I had to go and that I would be back to pick him up when school was over. I told him to have fun and be a good boy and that I loved him. He just told me bye. I barely got out of the room before my tears were flowing. All I could see in my mind was my sweet little baby boy with the crazy hair. We were able to watch on the TV for about 10 minutes. He never cried or got upset. He just sat on the carpet and watched the other children sing songs. He didn't join in or get excited but that is exactly him. I know it will take him time to warm up to this but I feel happy that he isn't afraid. When circle time was over they split the kids up and I heard the teacher say that he was going to go and do art. I watched him walk off the screen and knew it was time for us to go. I was so proud that he did so good and I truly felt like I was leaving a huge part of my heart behind.

When school was over we all went to pick him up. My stomach was in knots wondering how he did. I was afraid he wouldn't have fun or behave himself or perhaps have an accident. When we got there he came running up to us with his bag and his artwork from the day and I can honestly say I don't think I have ever felt more proud. My son, the big boy, survived his first day of preschool. He was excited to tell us about all he did and the great thing is that he wants to go back! When we got home he and I were on the couch and he was telling me about his day. He looked up at me and said, "mama, you're my best friend" and I about melted to pieces. Thank you Lord for blessing me with this amazing child. I don't know how I was so lucky to be picked to be his mama.